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Cockburn

The best places to send a copy of Donald Trump Jr’s new book Triggered

Get a load of this, libs!

October 30, 2019

4:13 PM

30 October 2019

4:13 PM

Donald Trump Jr is, as we all know, this generation’s Oscar Wilde. The dry wit of the president’s largest son knows no limits.

As if we needed a reminder, the cheeky scamp has set up America’s funniest website, triggeralib.com, where fellow japesters can send a copy of Trump Jr’s new book Triggered: How the Left Thrives on Hate and Wants to Silence Us, to Hillary Clinton, Ilhan Omar, Mitt Romney, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Adam Schiff or Nancy Pelosi.

Initially the site displayed the office addresses of the five libs and one neocon — though now it simply directs you to an Amazon wish list for each.

But surely those lucky six aren’t the only ones who should be blessed with multiple copies of Triggered? Cockburn has drafted a roster of other big names who may enjoy the ‘book that the leftist elites don’t want you to read.’

Michael Avenatti

Ever the Aufidius to Trump Jr’s Coriolanus, the Very Serious Presidential Contender would welcome a copy of Triggered with the grace and decorum that has characterized his journey through public life. When you send one to his law firm, don’t call him a creepy porn lawyer. It’s not nice!

Hunter Biden

DJTJR has been all over the airwaves, decrying Joe Biden’s son Hunter for profiting from nepotism. ‘When you’re the father and your son’s entire career is dependent on that, they own you,’ he told Sean Hannity. A six megaton truth bomb from the former Apprentice judge and executive VP of the Trump Organization. Clearly Hunter needs to learn more lessons from the master. Send Triggered to the office of the now-shuttered private equity firm he set up with John Kerry’s son…surely they’ve set up a forwarding address.

Donald Trump

‘Look daddy! I did a book!’ Don Jr craves nothing more than the approval of Don Sr. And though the president isn’t much of a reader, we’d hate for him to miss out on the crowning achievement of his fourth-favorite child (sorry Tiffany). So why not mail Triggered to the White House? If he receives enough, perhaps the Donald can use them to barricade himself in the Oval Office when the US marshals come a-knocking.

Joe Rogan

The former MMA star released a comedy special a few years back, also called Triggered. But we know that Don Jr is the real tough guy. Show Joe who the triggerer-in-chief really is by sending Don’s book to Rogan’s Los Angeles studio. Maybe then he can take up the offer of a guest slot on the podcast (though how could he possibly follow Spectator columnist Bridget Phetasy?)

Donald Trump Jr

Let’s be honest: Don Jr didn’t really write this book, and he probably hasn’t read all of it. To ensure the hard work of his lackeys doesn’t go unnoticed, dispatch a copy of Triggered to his Fifth Avenue office.

Got a tip for Cockburn? Email cockburn@spectator.us.


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