Losing a midterm election in your home state to a man as woefully unsexy as Sen. Ted Cruz could take a toll on even the most hardened politicker. And skateboarding softboy Beto O’Rourke is far from a hardened politicker.
So how could Rep. O’Rourke get over his post-defeat blues? Tearfully rolling in piles of his father-in-law’s cash? Reading chillingly lecherous tweets about him? No – by embarking on a run through the nation’s capital and then inflicting a Medium post about it on us:
‘I thought about turning around once I got to the Washington monument. But as I was coming around the north side of it I passed another runner.
‘He yelled out “Hey Beto!” And I turned around and approached him and we shook hands. He apologetically told me that he was from Massachusettes and said “but thank you for being you.” I said “that’s ok, we love Massachusettes too!” And told him thanks and decided to run all the way to the Lincoln memorial. I passed someone running the other direction shielding his face with his hand from the snow.’
Far beyond tweeting a screenshot of your Nike Run Club app time or posting your jogging videos on your Instagram Story, this stream-of-consciousness essay peppered with allegory has to be the smuggest way to broadcast your exercise routine. Will Beto attempt to draw a point of political philosophy the next time he’s doing pilates in his Lululemons?
‘I ran up the steps, another runner in front of me. When I got to the top he was finishing a short set of pushups. He got up quickly, we high fived as he headed back down the steps.
‘I walked over to the north wall and read Lincoln’s second inaugural address. My body warm, blood flowing through me, moving my legs as I read, the words so present in a way that I can’t describe or explain except that I’m so much more alive in the middle of a run, and so are the words I was reading.’
After his narrow loss, it appears that Rep. O’Rourke lives a modern-day version of Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky. The man can’t even do a small cardiovascular workout without being interrupted with peals of adulation.
Of course, there is a subtext to all of this. If it wasn’t already obvious, Beto’s pay-off makes it thus:
‘The sleet stinging my face, I wondered if the winds had changed too.’
Beto is running! Do you get it?
The comments below the post are unsurprisingly horny about the prospect of a Beto 2020 presidential campaign. ‘I hope you’re thinking about how Lincoln lost his bid for Senate then went on to win the presidency,’ the most applauded one reads. ‘Keep running Beto. Dont stop until you get to Iowa, then New Hampshire, then South Carolina. Then keep running some more until you make it to Penn Ave. #BetoDaysAreComing,’ says another. Why stop there?
The whole blog gives us a taster of what to expect from the Texas congressman come 2019, when, Obama-esque, he releases a pre-election book about the state of the nation. Cockburn thinks Barnes & Noble might as well start taking pre-orders for The Audacity of Mope now.