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Biden’s best basement blunders

Nowadays his slip-ups are practically an hourly occurrence

May 26, 2020

3:33 PM

26 May 2020

3:33 PM

Over the course of his political career, former Vice President Joe Biden has been, it’s fair to say, prone to the odd gaffe.

As the nearly eight-decade-old Biden campaigns for the Oval Office, the coronavirus pandemic has forced him to host virtual campaign events from his basement. And while Uncle Joe issued an abundance of cringey comments on the physical campaign trail, nowadays his slip-ups are practically an hourly occurrence. Here are some of Cockburn’s favorite Biden basement bungles:

‘You ain’t black’

On Friday morning, Biden appeared on The Breakfast Club, a radio show with a huge black following that’s been a regular port of call for Democratic political candidates.

One of Biden’s handlers — sorry, aides — tried to shoo Biden off the phone before host Charlamagne Tha God offered his closing thoughts about the prospect of an African American running mate on the Democratic ticket. Right before the interview ended, Biden exclaimed, ‘I tell you, if you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t black!’

The response from African Americans was…not great! ‘Aye bruh @JoeBiden I already told you the #BlackVoteAintFree,’ tweeted platinum-selling rapper Diddy.

This isn’t the first wince-inducing answer Biden has given on race during this election cycle. Last summer, he told a mostly minority audience that ‘poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids’. At least in that instance he caught his mistake and attempted to backpedal: ‘…wealthy kids, black kids, Asian kids.’

Cockburn has high hopes that the media’s coverage of the ‘you ain’t black’ comment will be just as even-handed as their initial coverage of the Tara Reade allegations.

My sister is the love of my life

As Biden answered the internet’s most searched questions about himself, he addressed a question about his siblings: ‘I’m lucky, I have two younger brothers. I’m the oldest of three. And I’ve got a sister who’s the love of my life.’ Is that Ilhan Omar’s second husband speaking?

This follows a Super Tuesday campaign event earlier this year, Biden confused his sister for his wife: ‘They switched on me!’

Naturally, Twitter had a field day with Biden’s declared affection for his sister. Meanwhile, Rep. Omar, Ivanka Trump, and the entire states of Alabama and West Virginia must have breathed a collective sigh of relief, enjoying a brief reprieve as the incest jokes were cracked at someone else’s expense.

While cringing at Biden’s comment about his sister, you may have missed Biden’s shoddy math. Is he the oldest of four siblings, or of three?

Don’t vote for me

In an MSNBC interview earlier this month, Joe Biden set the stakes nice and high for those who are having second thoughts about voting for him in the light of Tara Reade’s sexual assault allegation.

‘If they believe Tara Reade, they probably shouldn’t vote for me’, said Biden. ‘I wouldn’t vote for me if I believed Tara Reade.’

Much as Christ turned away those who would not give their all to His ministry, Biden simply turns away those who would think twice about voting for him.

Which pandemic is this?

Joe Biden has often confused and jumbled the pandemics of the past several decades.

In a May 1 interview on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, the former Vice President also forgot the name of the Ebola epidemic: ‘Barack Obama led in the corona — I mean, excuse me — in the pandemic that occurred when we were in office.’

Biden’s confusion on this topic is hardly unprecedented. During a debate with Bernie Sanders earlier this year, Biden referred to swine flu as coronavirus. He also called the H1N1 swine flu the ‘N1H15’. During the same debate, he again forgot the name of the Ebola virus, calling it ‘what happened in Africa’.

Considering Biden’s age, it’s surely only a matter of time before he confuses coronavirus or some other malady with the Spanish flu. Or perhaps he’ll make yet another racially-tinged gaffe involving the ‘Black Death’.

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President Tweety

Last week, Biden unveiled his first nickname for President Trump, who is well-known for branding his political opponents with pejorative epithets.

‘Trump is out there tweeting again this morning, I call him President Tweety,’ Joe said. What a zinger!

Cockburn can’t help but wonder: with lockdown granting Biden and his staff a ton of additional time to dream up scathing nicknames for Trump, was ‘President Tweety’ truly their best shot? Do they not recall that Tweety Bird always manages to avoid Sylvester the Cat in Looney Tunes?

Ironically, the window of Biden’s basement was open, allowing for loud bird calls to complement the unveiling of the nickname. And, a random guy can be seen loitering in Biden’s backyard — perhaps a time-traveling Joe Biden from the future, warning him not to run for President due to the public embarrassment that he will continue to rain down upon himself?

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