After months of nuclear-grade wokeness — from open borders, health care for illegals, and abortions for women with penises — followed by a disastrous LGBT town hall, and one debate from Ohio where they briefly transformed into moderates, we joined the Democrats live from Hotlanta Wednesday night unveiling their current form: bored, exhausted, over it, resigned to lose.
The MSNBC/Washington Post debate from Georgia, moderated by three women and Rachel Maddow, should have been an opportunity for Democrats to flex their greatest, rather only, muscle: pandering to blacks. Instead the 10 candidates seemed half present, perhaps preoccupied counting dollars signs for whatever corporate board position they anticipate landing after this long media romp is finally over.
Let’s be honest, any dollar going to any of these campaigns is being used to carpet bomb the nation with their résumé seeking any eight-figure job but president of the United States. They either don’t have a chance, know it, and don’t care or they remain as pathetically stupid and out-of-touch as they come off.
Mayor Pete — who, unlike Warren, Booker, and the late Bill de Blasio never bothered to tell us her pronouns — was really feeling herself after polls in Iowa put her on top this week, a first for such a notorious bottom and certainly news to husband Chasten. She was serving presidential side-eye realness and giving the audience a cache of brand new facial expressions best described as ‘strong but silent,’ ‘interesting point but I choose to not engage,’ and ‘I’m concerned about many things but still remarkably composed.’
Chest puffed out and brow furrowed, Pete shouldn’t let a polling blip in Iowa go to his head, as he clearly did on Wednesday. He still has zero support among blacks. Even the gays don’t like Mayor Pete. His campaign staff is basically aging Mouseketeers. And when blacks see a 37-year-old white gay man, they think, ‘that’s the motherfucker who moved in and drove my rent up.’
Cowardly Pete’s newfound pomp came crashing down as soon as daddy came home with a wooden paddle. I’m of course talking about Tulsi Gabbard. The Silver Streak, donning her signature white bat-suit, took Pete to task on national security, claiming he wanted to invade Mexico (probably his only good idea, in my humble opinion), leaving Pete appearing on the verge of tears. Gabbard swiftly out-veteran’d him. The entire stage had been waiting for Iowa front runner Pete to drop the soap, and Gabbard saw an opening.
It was an army barracks knife fight and Gabbard gutted Pete with almost no effort, making the most exciting moment of the evening still a relative dud — one, lone bottle rocket popping off while the other candidates minced around with sparklers. If Pete’s naïveté is endearing, it’s only matched by Bernie Sanders’s innocent devotion to old-timey socialism. Much like his sister-from-another-mister Jeremy Corbyn, Sanders seems to struggle to combine this newfangled cultural Marxism with that cherished, failed economic utopia of yore. It’s sweet to watch. He’s the only man in the running who’s devoted his entire life to an idea in his head. You know this because he’s never actually accomplished anything.
Elizabeth ‘I Have a Plan for That’ Warren’s campaign strategy is to shore up a coalition of the grassroots left and right. She demonstrated her attempt to appeal to the Trump base once again in her opening remarks from Atlanta, delivering a less than rousing statement against the Swamp and donor class antics. She’s trying to pick off those Obama voters who went for Trump by focusing on Washington corruption, economic nationalism and, even, trust-busting in Silicon Valley. Internet censorship is one of the biggest issues for the Trump base, one he continues to ignore, and that’s why Warren makes it a talking point. She’s not going to actually do anything, she’s just as poisoned as the rest of them who count on Mark Zuckerberg’s help.
Warren, like the rest, understands very little about normal people. Her strategy will never work. She has no charisma. At the end of the day, she’s still a finger-wagging schoolmarm compared to the heroic masculine that Trump offers, even if he’s letting some supporters down. Secondly, the left wing grassroots she’s simultaneously trying to court is basically antifa. Warren seems to think she can honestly unite Nancy Nightshift and Professor Many Genders in her bid for the White House.
It wouldn’t be a gathering of Democrats if lovable, gaffe factory Joe Biden didn’t do something colorful like make references to acceptable ways to beat up women. In a line of questions about the #MeToo movement, where a certain dead billionaire pedophile’s name never come up, Biden laid out his position that it is always wrong for a man to hit a woman, unless, of course, it’s in self defense. He capped off the topic by adding, ‘We need to change the culture for women and keep up punching at it and punching at it.’ Perhaps not the best choice of words.
Cory Booker, who is not a homosexual and does not have a reputation in the Port Authority men’s toilets, may be the next to bite the dust. He currently doesn’t qualify for December’s debate. So here we are. The 10 absolute best people in the entire country to lead the Democratic party into victory in 2020 are, we see once again, perfect representations of that party and their media: flaccid, confused, desperate, shapeshifters. In their Poe-like manic obsession with beating Donald Trump, they still don’t know why he won, and they never will. They’re incapable of offering anything similarly unique to voters until they, like the Republicans in 2016, experience their own cleansing wildfire.
They almost had one. Following Wednesday night’s snooze-fest, Marianne Williamson posted a single, elegant tweet to her followers. ‘Miss me?‘ she asked. Yes, we do, Marianne.