Low life
An 11-year-old’s birthday party was hijacked by Brexit
While our guests laid into Boris and Dominic Cummings, the birthday boy and I played with matches
Our village has a communist bar and a fascist bar. If only I could remember which is which
If there’s a televised match on somewhere in the world, the communist bar will be showing it on the big screen with the volume turned up
Rules for a deconfinement dinner party
Our place settings were as widely spaced as the surrounding Provençal geography
My first post-lockdown party
Perhaps this boozy convivial affair will shake me out of my macabre state
Shrieks, shots and broken china: a visit to my rural French doctor
As we all sat in the waiting room, we wondered what social enormity the doctor might commit next
Vodka, kaolin and morphine: my welcome drinks at The Spectator offices
After I’d partaken of this cocktail with Mary Wakefield, I had my first encounter with a speechless Boris Johnson
I was relishing the lockdown a week ago, but now I need urgent hospital treatment
I need to have a stent removed from my urethra — and pronto
My love affair with Hannah Arendt
Stoned out of our minds on a few puffs, we watched in awed silence, hanging on her every word, every clause, every sentence
White Christmas: the magic of the festive drugs binge
Among partying druggies, the trust that has disappeared from every level of society is fully present
The lessons I learned cycling across Rwanda
‘There is no ethnicity here now’, said my escort Eric, moments before I shot headfirst over the handlebars
What did the maid make of my penis vacuum pump?
While I was out, she had polished it and positioned it on a glass shelf lit by four spotlights
My journey to the heart of prehistoric England
I would be staying in this cottage in the shadow of Wansdyke to see if I wanted to rent it
The mysterious ways of the French
Everything in this country is as strange to me today as it was five years ago
A trip to Dartmoor Prison with my grandson and his cousin
Nine-year-old Oscar is a mentor to eight-year-old Lucas
Italy, in seven hours and five trains
People laughed when I told them my plan but nothing beats the window seat of a stopping train hugging the Ligurian coast
Tuscany’s killer climate
As my engine died, a thunderclap exploded overhead and I noticed that I was freezing cold and soaked to the skin
Will the Mistral drive me to murder?
I was the first Leaver my neighbors had met and I was treated like a former Kray or a Moonie
Meet Santino: the world’s worst tour guide
The sculptured eroticism of Henry II’s mistress’s bedroom brought to mind an orgy at its peak – not that he noticed
A moral dilemma on my freebie vacation
What should I tell people when they ask me my ‘profession’?
Am I about to be usurped by Philippe, our handsome French gardener?
All the women – Catriona included – seem to have fallen under his spell
Up close with the Rolling Stones
Ronnie Wood’s girlfriend was there – and Mick’s oldest Dartford school friend.
I like Donald Trump — but don’t tell anyone
I arrived for lunch a bit late and was led to the dining table. Our hostess disappeared back into the…
