Low life
What angry young French men want
As I bought the drinks, Didier told me that voluntary euthanasia was in and casino capitalism out
In praise of French doctors
Thirty-five years ago, my nurse had competed against an English team who played rugby with a violence that was incredible
Is left the new right?
Emile had the face of one who had stared into the abyss at exactly the moment the wind had changed
The joy of Xanax
Back in her examination room, I presented her with my sample
An 11-year-old’s birthday party was hijacked by Brexit
While our guests laid into Boris and Dominic Cummings, the birthday boy and I played with matches
Our village has a communist bar and a fascist bar. If only I could remember which is which
If there’s a televised match on somewhere in the world, the communist bar will be showing it on the big screen with the volume turned up
Rules for a deconfinement dinner party
Our place settings were as widely spaced as the surrounding Provençal geography
My first post-lockdown party
Perhaps this boozy convivial affair will shake me out of my macabre state
Shrieks, shots and broken china: a visit to my rural French doctor
As we all sat in the waiting room, we wondered what social enormity the doctor might commit next
Vodka, kaolin and morphine: my welcome drinks at The Spectator offices
After I’d partaken of this cocktail with Mary Wakefield, I had my first encounter with a speechless Boris Johnson
I was relishing the lockdown a week ago, but now I need urgent hospital treatment
I need to have a stent removed from my urethra — and pronto
My love affair with Hannah Arendt
Stoned out of our minds on a few puffs, we watched in awed silence, hanging on her every word, every clause, every sentence
White Christmas: the magic of the festive drugs binge
Among partying druggies, the trust that has disappeared from every level of society is fully present
The lessons I learned cycling across Rwanda
‘There is no ethnicity here now’, said my escort Eric, moments before I shot headfirst over the handlebars
What did the maid make of my penis vacuum pump?
While I was out, she had polished it and positioned it on a glass shelf lit by four spotlights
My journey to the heart of prehistoric England
I would be staying in this cottage in the shadow of Wansdyke to see if I wanted to rent it
The mysterious ways of the French
Everything in this country is as strange to me today as it was five years ago
A trip to Dartmoor Prison with my grandson and his cousin
Nine-year-old Oscar is a mentor to eight-year-old Lucas
Italy, in seven hours and five trains
People laughed when I told them my plan but nothing beats the window seat of a stopping train hugging the Ligurian coast
Tuscany’s killer climate
As my engine died, a thunderclap exploded overhead and I noticed that I was freezing cold and soaked to the skin
Will the Mistral drive me to murder?
I was the first Leaver my neighbors had met and I was treated like a former Kray or a Moonie
Meet Santino: the world’s worst tour guide
The sculptured eroticism of Henry II’s mistress’s bedroom brought to mind an orgy at its peak – not that he noticed
A moral dilemma on my freebie vacation
What should I tell people when they ask me my ‘profession’?
Am I about to be usurped by Philippe, our handsome French gardener?
All the women – Catriona included – seem to have fallen under his spell
Up close with the Rolling Stones
Ronnie Wood’s girlfriend was there – and Mick’s oldest Dartford school friend.
