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Confessions of a White House staffer: talking turkey

Judge Jeanine preened around the colonnade like a peacock — or maybe a vulture

November 27, 2019

6:34 PM

27 November 2019

6:34 PM

The Rose Garden became a makeshift petting zoo this week as POTUS played host to several animals before heading to the Winter White House for the Thanksgiving holiday. Shockingly, I am not referring to Rudy Giuliani and his comms team, which is headed up by a 20-year-old with less work experience than a McDonald’s fry cook.

Instead, the press shop wranglers had to use their skills on Conan, the special forces dog from the al-Baghdadi raid, and Butter (or was it Bread?) the turkey. Realistically, it was not that different from keeping Playboy’s Brian Karem from crossing the rope line, except for when the turkey briefly escaped from his handler in upper press. Hopefully no one tells Janet why there are feathers on her desk.

The turkey pardon itself was rather uneventful, besides the appearance of two gorgeous models whose parents have donated quite a pretty penny to the GOP. The women in the press shop saw their hopes of being the best-dressed at the event sink faster than their six-inch stilettos into the muddy Rose Garden. That didn’t seem to phase Judge Jeanine, however, who preened around the colonnade like a peacock — or maybe a vulture. Could she be auditioning for a spot on the president’s impeachment team alongside former Treasury spokesman Tony Sayegh?

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At the close of the turkey pardon, a lone reporter yelled, ‘Mr President, will you pardon a human being?’ But poor Roger Stone apparently hasn’t even been discussed between the president and his closest citizen advisers, who are wary of Roger’s gag order from the court. It looks like Roger will be relegated to sadly pondering his fate over the holiday season as he awaits sentencing in February.

He’s not the only one who’s miserable this time of year — I just finished up a tearful phone call with my parents to tell them I can’t come home for Thanksgiving because of work. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it, especially as I’m drinking cheap wine at a Friendsgiving party with the rest of the interns and low-level staffers. At least the White House was kind enough to allow us to use Bread (or was it Butter?) as a back-up turkey for our feast…

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