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Cockburn

The Cuomo comedy special

Why ask hard questions about nursing home deaths and slow lockdown reactions when you can do bits with your brother?

May 21, 2020

2:32 PM

21 May 2020

2:32 PM

Move over, Comedy Central. The media and the public have been devouring New York Gov. Cuomo’s new comedy show with his younger brother, Chris, on CNN.

For the past several weeks, the brothers Cuomo have risen to stardom as a result of their bantering on live television. Topics of discussion include a debate over who Momma Cuomo loves more, an exchange over the brothers’ respective basketball skills, and even the excruciating details of one of Chris’s dreams, in which Andrew apparently appeared to him holding a magic wand and garbed in a ballerina’s tutu. 

Cockburn couldn’t help but wonder if Andrew’s nipple rings were visible through the dress.

The brothers’ cult fandom has produced countless hours of Cuomo content on YouTube. Chris is now expanding his newfound fan base amongst the youngsters: he is a frequent star on his daughter Bella’s TikTok channel, which has nearly 400,000 followers and 15 million likes.

The latest installment of the brothers’ comedy special confirms that Chris has thrown in the towel on even attempting journalism and is now a full-time prankster. On Wednesday night, Chris interviewed his brother about New York’s coronavirus response for 25 minutes. Chris made no mention of the growing death toll in New York, and there was not a peep about Gov. Cuomo’s executive order that forced sick nursing home patients back into nursing homes — a policy that resulted in 5,800 seniors dying from coronavirus in New York. 


However, the brothers did manage to find plenty of time to banter about the size of Gov. Cuomo’s nose. Chris produced several massive Q-tips, each one larger than the last, and asked if they were the instruments used on the governor’s massive schnoz during his televised coronavirus test earlier this week. 

Cockburn has some additional suggestions for the brothers’ riveting physical comedy routine. Perhaps Andrew could do a double-take at a calendar when he realizes how late his COVID-19 response was. Maybe Chris does a monologue about the time he breached lockdown protocol by going outside whilst battling coronavirus, in violation of his brother’s own restriction on unnecessary travel. 

As more than 350,000 New Yorkers choke their lungs out from coronavirus, the media coverage that has transformed the Cuomos into overnight stars is yielding considerable dividends. Gov. Cuomo’s approval ratings in New York skyrocketed; in spite of the fact that New York has the worst coronavirus outbreak in the nation, he is now enjoying 71 percent approval.

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Meanwhile in Florida, Gov. Ron DeSantis — who had perhaps one of the best coronavirus responses in the United States — saw his approval fall even as governors across the country saw theirs rise. Like an alligator poked by a tourist with a golf club, DeSantis attacked the media earlier this week for their biased coverage of his work.

‘Dr Birx has talked multiple times about how Florida has the absolute best data’, said the governor. ‘You’ve got a lot of people in your profession who wax poetically for weeks and weeks about how Florida was going to be just like New York…well hell, we’re eight weeks away from that and it hasn’t happened.’ DeSantis also boasted of the Sunshine State’s impressively low death rate, which comes in spite of the fact that Florida’s median age is three years higher than New York’s.

Perhaps to give a kick to his approval ratings, Gov. DeSantis ought to force infected elders back into their nursing homes, slow down his coronavirus response, and top it all off by finding a less-accomplished younger family member to join him in a nightly comedy special.


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