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The Democratic debates drinking game

Because no way are you making it through sober

June 25, 2019

11:25 AM

25 June 2019

11:25 AM

Now that former Pennsylvania congressman Joe Sestak has entered the race, there are now 24 Democratic candidates for the presidency (excluding Mike Gravel, who’s not running to win). That’s right – one candidate for every can of beer in a case. Or every hour in a day. Or both. Mercifully, all 24 won’t be onstage for the party’s first official debates, but there are nevertheless so many contenders who met the criteria for participation that the event has been split up into two nights.

The prospect of a two-dozen-candidate field in a primary for an election which ultimately won’t be decided for over a year would make anyone want to grab the nearest adult beverage. So we created a drinking game for you. Please imbibe responsibly, or in other words, don’t let yourself get to a state where you might think it’d be a good idea to throw your name in the ring as the 25th candidate.

As a refresher, here’s the lineup for each night…

Night 1: Wednesday, June 26

Take a sip of your drink every time each of these words or phrases is mentioned:

  • Forever war
  • People of color
  • Climate change
  • Midwest
  • Break up Big Tech
  • Tax cut
  • Iran
  • My wife 

Finish your drink and order another if…

  • The audience starts booing
  • John Delaney complains he’s not getting any time to talk
  • Any number of candidates start speaking Spanish
  • Beto O’Rourke says ‘fuck’
  • Somebody calls out Tulsi Gabbard’s ties to Bashar al-Assad
  • Cory Booker starts talking about Newark
  • The camera pans out to Julián Castro’s identical twin brother in the audience
  • Amy Klobuchar rolls her eyes
  • There’s a Star Wars reference
  • Anyone develops visible sweat stains
  • Somebody incorrectly pronounces the word ‘nuclear’ as ‘nucular’
  • Tim Ryan reminds everyone that he challenged Nancy Pelosi for House leadership
  • Elizabeth Warren slyly points out that both she and Bill de Blasio are fans of the Boston Red Sox 

Take a shot if…

  • A candidate who didn’t make the cut for the debates shows up anyway
  • Trump tweets about ‘Pocahontas’ mid-debate
  • An audience member rushes the stage, grabs a mic, and starts ranting about climate change. Take two shots if said audience member has a man-bun
  • Any candidate or moderator brings up Bill DeBlasio’s incident in which he dropped NYC’s Groundhog Day groundhog and it later died of internal injuries
  • In an attempt to act cool, someone starts dropping rap lyrics
  • A sex scandal involving a member of Congress who is not running for president breaks while the debate is airing 

Night 2: Thursday, June 27

You’re hungover from last night, so…

  • Have a drink before the whole thing starts (we won’t judge) 

Take a sip of your drink every time each of these words or phrases is mentioned:

  • White working class
  • Automation
  • Hillary Clinton
  • Socialism
  • Impeach
  • Concentration camps
  • Boomers
  • Student loans 

Finish your drink and order another if…

  • The audience starts booing
  • Someone comes up with a cheeky new version of the ‘MAGA’ slogan – e.g. “We’re going to make America _____ again!”
  • Bernie Sanders says ‘the American people’ while pointing one of his fingers at the audience
  • Pete Buttigieg talks about his marriage
  • Andrew Yang refers to the fact that he’s Asian
  • One of the moderators stumbles over the word “Hickenlooper”
  • Kamala Harris rolls her eyes
  • Someone takes a dig at Donald Trump’s appearance
  • There’s a Harry Potter reference
  • Marianne Williamson is called out for her skepticism about vaccines
  • Joe Biden mentions Amtrak
  • While live-tweeting the debate, Trump comes up with a new nickname for anyone onstage
  • Any candidate starts talking about how much weed he/she used to smoke 

Take a shot if…

  • It’s reported mid-debate, or within an hour of the debate starting, that some other candidate has already dropped out of the primaries
  • Somebody from the audience yells, ‘FOOD FIGHT!’
  • Sanders or Biden addresses Buttigieg as ‘kiddo’
  • One candidate refers to another candidate by the wrong name
  • Kirsten Gillibrand pulls out a flask and takes a swig
  • The camera pans out to an audience member who has fallen asleep

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