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Donkey Dow: needs more candidates!

Who said the Democratic primary was too crowded?

November 15, 2019

3:56 PM

15 November 2019

3:56 PM

The Donkey Dow is a round-up of the movers and shakers in the race to face up against Donald Trump. Here’s how the candidates and contenders fared over the last few days.

After surveying the wreckage of nine failed presidential campaigns from this primary season, Cockburn hears new contenders are planning to enter the fray. In light of this development, Cockburn provides his breakdown of the ever-changing Democratic presidential field.

New faces

Michael Bloomberg ultimately has a very old face. Yet we consider him a new face, as is reportedly planning to enter the crowded Democratic presidential race. According to the New York Times, the billionaire and former New York mayor will compete by cutting his losses in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina and focusing on the March Super Tuesday primaries.

With a net worth north of $50 billion, Bloomberg has the cash on hand to fund his campaign. That money will be useful as the former mayor encounters new PR troubles. In a recent New York Times report, Bloomberg’s past sexist remarks have resurfaced. Here is a sample:

‘If women wanted to be appreciated for their brains, they’d go to the library instead of to Bloomingdale’s.’

Bloomberg, who has described life as a bachelor and billionaire as a ‘wet dream’, may have trouble acclimating to the post-#MeToo Democratic party.


While Bloomberg has yet to make a formal announcement, former Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick officially launched his campaign on Thursday. Apparently, 2020 is the year of the consulting firm, as the Bain Capital alum joins former McKinsey consultant Pete Buttigieg in the Democratic presidential race. Like Mayor Pete, Patrick will fashion himself as a center-left pragmatist to take on progressives Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders.

In a recent interview with CBS, Patrick drew a sharp line between himself and the left-wing geriatrics:

‘I think taxes should go up on the most prosperous and the most fortunate, not as a penalty, but because we all have a stake as a national community in building our future.’

Cockburn is left wondering: why don’t more consultants join the race?

Cockburn regrets to inform his dear readers that Hillary Clinton refuses to rule out a presidential run. In a recent interview, Clinton, known for her failed presidential campaigns in 2008 and 2016, said that she will ‘never, never, never say never’ about the prospect of a 2020 presidential run. ‘I will certainly tell you, I’m under enormous pressure from many, many, many people to think about it,’ Clinton added.

Matt McDonald, The Spectator‘s US managing editor, theorizes Ms. Clinton is trying to keep her name in the news to sell more copies of her new book, The Book of Gutsy Women: Favorite Stories of Courage and Resilience. Cockburn hopes he is right.

Tried and true

How are the other candidates faring as the field expands?

Joe Biden will be hurt most by candidates Bloomberg and Patrick, who will compete for the mantle of ‘moderate’ establishment contender. And while it’s questionable whether Biden’s polling numbers will drop, we do know his feelings will be hurt by the launch of Patrick’s campaign.

In a recent article in The Atlantic, aptly titled ‘A New Candidate for Obama’s Rightful Heir’, Edward-Isaac Dovere details how the Obama camp may have a preference for the former governor of Massachusetts:

‘…the politician personally closest to Obama is Deval Patrick. As several people in Obama’s inner circle have been saying to me for months before Patrick’s potential presidential candidacy leaked out on Monday, Biden originally came into the Obama fold as a matter of transactional politics, picked to balance the 2008 ticket; Patrick is an actual longtime friend based on mutual affinities. That Patrick seems poised to jump into the race at the last minute is the clearest sign yet of how much anxiety there is among Obama’s inner circle about Biden’s campaign.’

To take on Patrick and consolidate the ‘Hope and Change’ base, Biden will need all the help he can get — which is why the former vice president must be elated to receive an endorsement from former competitor, Rep. Tim Ryan. Who needs Obama?

While Michael Bloomberg hasn’t officially announced his campaign, Bernie Sanders is not waiting to attack the former mayor of New York. At a recent campaign event, the Vermont senator warned Bloomberg, ‘Sorry, you ain’t gonna buy this election,’ adding ‘You’re not going to get elected president by avoiding Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina, and Nevada.’

Conversely, Sanders thinks he will get elected by promising progressive superstar AOC an ‘important role‘ in his future White House. As Sanders has realized, there are alternative ways to buy votes.

Joining Bernie in an all-out assault on our nation’s billionaires, Elizabeth Warren is flogging a new mug:

Apparently, the Massachusetts senator has more compassion for an inflatable dog than the ultra-wealthy:

While there are unconfirmed reports, Cockburn hears Michael Bloomberg is hardest hit.

Pete Buttigieg, meanwhile, is surging in Iowa, clocking first place in a recent Monmouth University poll. Guess all that Silicon Valley money is paying off — who said billionaires were all bad? As a credit to his success, the mayor of South Bend has been careful to delineate himself from the left-wing of the Democratic party, like in this tweet supporting Israel:

Cockburn guesses that’s a no vote from Mayor Pete for Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions?

In contrast to Mayor Pete’s success, California senator Kamala Harris is pulling up the drawbridge and retreating to Iowa, where she hopes to restart her dwindling campaign. In that same Monmouth poll, Harris tied for sixth place with Andrew Yang and Tom Steyer, with the trio hitting three percent each. With a performance like that, Cockburn thinks it’s a no-brainer to go all in for the Hawkeye State.

Speaking of struggling campaigns, Cory Booker’s home state news outlet, NJ.com, ran this disheartening headline: ‘More Democrats are jumping into the presidential race. That’s terrible news for Cory Booker.’

NJ.com is right — candidates Patrick and Bloomberg might chip away at Booker’s 2.3 percent polling average. Cockburn would advise the New Jersey senator to skip a retreat to Iowa and head straight to Atlantic City.

Andrew Yang is still hanging on in the crowded race, although Cockburn thinks he may lose some supporters now that his ‘Freedom Dividend’ sweepstake is over:


Tulsi Gabbard is also sticking to an unorthodox campaign strategy: tweet workout videos and…win the nomination? She’s still reaping the poll benefits of Hillary Clinton’s attack on her…

While Tulsi has her workout videos, Steve Bullock has quirky TikToks—another proven campaign strategy:

Still, not everyone is having fun losing. Amy Klobuchar recently took aim at Pete Buttigieg, commenting that the South Bend mayor would not be as successful if he was a woman.

Cockburn is left wondering: why can’t the Midwestern moderates just get along?

Finally, like Booker, there are a series of other candidates that will be pushed into oblivion by the late entrance of Bloomberg and Patrick — Cockburn is looking at Michael Bennet, Julián Castro, John Delaney and Marianne Williamson. And like Booker, Cockburn suggests a one-way ticket to Atlantic City — Beto O’Rourke needs some company.

Got a tip for Cockburn? Email cockburn@spectator.us.

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