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Donkey Dow: Wonder Woman Warren?

Wall Street fears Elizabeth Warren more than Bernie Sanders

June 18, 2019

11:22 AM

18 June 2019

11:22 AM

Cockburn is introducing the Donkey Dow: a round-up of the movers and shakers in the race to face up against Donald Trump. Here’s how the candidates and contenders fared over the last few days.

donkey dow wonder woman warren

She’s got gas in the tank. She’s got money in the bank. Cockburn’s got news for you, readers, you’re looking at the wo-man. She’s the wo-maaaaan, she’s the wo-maaaaaan, she’s the womaaaaaan…with a plan


Elizabeth Warren is on the up and up. As Cockburn predicted, Bernie’s bust is Warren’s reward. Warren has proven the more formidable leftie than Comrade Sanders.

For champions of unbridled capitalism, this could be a horrifying development. Wall Street is ‘more afraid of her than Bernie,’ Luigi Zingales of UChicago told The New York Times magazine. ‘Because when she says she’ll change the rules, she’s the one who knows how to do it.’ Zingales implies the White House under Sanders would become a reunion of the staff editorial meetings of the leftist mags Sanders used to write for, or the Bolshevik bacchanalias he frequented in Russia in the late 1980s. The wino’s Jeremy Corbyn.

Warren, on the other hand, actually has a record of not so much sticking it to the man, but invoicing the man. A national leader on bankruptcy law, and the founder leader of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, she would bring a level of expertise on her chosen subject, economics, not seen since George H.W. Bush and his handling of foreign policy. That’s either great and garish depending on your perspective.

Warren, like Biden, contemplated a 2016 run. It appears both of their times are now.

Also on the up: Andrew Yang. Cockburn is sticking to his guns. The debates will be a second inflection point for Yang. A thousand smackaroos is a thousand smackaroos.

Neither here nor there

Speaking of Uncle Joe: former VP Joe Biden is in charge of this of this race. And he’s getting ambitious. Monday in Washington, Biden said: ‘First of all, I plan on campaigning in the South. I plan, if I’m the nominee, winning Georgia, North Carolina and South Carolina, believe it or not… I believe we can win Texas and Florida, if you look at the polling data now.’ Biden’s bravado is consistent with a recent Quinnipiac poll that showed him trouncing President Trump nationally, 53 to 40. Rightist critics point out that much polling, including Quinnipiac, was erroneous last presidential cycle.

Biden is still riding high, up at least a score of points in most national polling. Statewide, however, he risks an insurrection. The race in Iowa is closing, and Warren’s ground game is considered formidable in the Hawkeye state. If she snatches Iowa, it’s onto her neighboring state, New Hampshire: presidential candidates who win both early nominating contests have a near-perfect record at going all the way in the party.

Biden’s stock is stable, but overconfidence is never a virtue (besides, we can’t put him higher than he currently is…)

Tulsi Gabbard got choice real estate in the Wall Street Journal editorial page Monday morning, profiled by none other than Spectator USA’s Michael Tracey. Gabbard is doubtless winning over the ‘good Democrat’ primary of randy baby boomer readers of the WSJ and viewers of Fox News, but it’s unclear how that’s translating into material support on the level. So far, if you believe polling even remotely: it’s not. Plus, any gains from that positive coverage is negated by the lengthy New York magazine profile which makes her look…pretty weird.


Seth Moulton, Steve Bullock, Wayne Messam, Mike Gravel. These four ‘major’ candidates failed to qualify for the first round of debates later this month. If you can’t qualify for your party’s debate, Cockburn is confident you shouldn’t be seeking the nomination of said party.

Amy Klobuchar, Kirsten Gillbrand, Kamala Harris: speaking of polling, Cockburn is dubbing this trio ‘all the single-digit ladies’.

Mayor Pete Buttigieg: Pete you had a superlative! First gay president! And you just…gave it away?

Michael Bennet and John Delaney: Candidacies only a mother could love.

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