As Democrats watch their single accomplishment, impeaching the president, go up in flames before their eyes and the nation remains stunned at the chaos and incompetence of their botched caucus in Iowa, President Trump addressed America on Tuesday’s State of the Union from a position of stability and growth.
The very stable genius, in fact, showed us that side, at least compared to the frothing leader of the Democrats sitting behind him. For a Trump speech, it was quite civil, perhaps his best production yet, with very limited trolling, save for a direct slap to Congress’s socialist contingent by bringing ousted Venezuelan leader Juan Guaidó as a guest, who he referred to as ‘Mr President.’
The State of the Union was also one for the record-books where emotional moments are concerned. The families of two slain Americans, victims of two notorious dead terrorists named Bag Daddy and Salami Man or something, were present, and a solider surprised his wife and two small children live in the audience returning from Afghanistan. Here were some of the night’s priceless moments:
1. Nancy’s impotent rage
With the president set to be acquitted in the Democrats’ mock impeachment trial Wednesday, the Slurrer of the House broke with tradition by not introducing him properly. The Speaker skirted her usual job, to announce to Congress, ‘it is my high privilege and honor to present the president of the United States of America’, and instead fiddled with her dentures quietly in the back. Pelosi nonetheless extended her hand to the president for a greeting and he completely snubbed her. Pelosi awkwardly clapped after the president said ‘America first’, looked around, shrugged, and realized that might be Nazi talk. At the speech’s conclusion, in the ultimate act of impotent rage, she ripped up her copy of it. Pelosi’s adorable temper tantrum was reflected throughout the House as several members of Congress — including Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, Ayanna Prsesley, Al Green, Steve Cohen and Maxine Waters — boycotted the address.
2. Arizona’s quirky lesbian
She’s here, she’s queer, get used to it. Kyrsten Sinema, the junior senator from Arizona, increasingly breaks ranks with the opposition party’s clap schedule at these things. Dressed in a flamboyant blue dress, Sinema gave a standing ovation to Trump’s boasting of a robust economy. She cheered Sen. Tim Scott’s ‘opportunity zones’, an incentive to attract businesses to blighted areas of the nation. She also stood and clapped for the president’s announcement that schools be required to provide technical and vocational training. Well, of course, lesbians love woodshop class.
3. The klanswomen
The sour stench of defeat wafting off the white coats seemed more delicious this year, as they skulked, slouched and behaved like distracted teenagers, angrily awaiting the impeachment acquittal which will land with a thud Wednesday. The decision by some of the ghastly crones of the Democratic party to wear white four months before Memorial Day may have had some viewers’ inner Serial Mom coming out. CBS News was one media outlet to lie about the reason for the uniforms, claiming the decision to wear white is to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the controversial 19th Amendment, that gave women the right to vote in 1920. In truth, radical Democrat women have worn white uniforms for each State of the Union address of this administration, apparently inspired by a Hulu show, The Handmaid’s Tale, in order to make a statement about abortion, or something.
4. Space Force
There’s just something very campy about the notion of a United States Space Force, and Americans are loving it. The president invited a 13-year-old boy who aims to become a future space force cadet. The heartstrings were pulled tight Tuesday evening and this was certainly one of those moments, as the boy’s great-grandfather, a hundred years old and one of the last surviving Tuskegee airmen, sat alongside him. The president read a statement from the boy that probably wasn’t meant to sound backhanded: ‘While most people look up at space, I want to look down on the world’. Every future New York Times reporter said the same thing at his age.
5. Rush Limbaugh
In an unprecedented move, Trump awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor, to conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh. First Lady Melania presented Limbaugh with the medal. A stunned and emotional Limbaugh announced this week he’d been diagnosed with advanced lung cancer, news that sent many verified liberals on Twitter to mock and cheer.