Listening to Greta Thunberg, an articulate 16-year-old girl who feels passionately about climate change issues, I am astounded that our political leaders have not yet taken steps to relocate the entire human race to Mars. She makes it very clear that unless we all drastically change our ways, the world as we know it will end in the next two or three years. I for one, believe her.
Americans may not be aware of Greta yet, even though she’s listed on the 2019 TIME 100 but it is imperative that we help this modern-day Swedish Cassandra to spread the word of our impending doom as far as possible. I spent the bank holiday Easter weekend digging a hole in my garden in order to install an underground bunker. After reaching a depth of around 20 feet, I realized I had no idea how to realistically achieve such a project and sheer panic set in. I left my house and wandered the streets, holding up a sign saying, ‘THE END IS NIGH’. I carefully explained to any child who crossed my path that unless they managed to lobby Parliament into doing whatever it is they need to do, then they and their families will be dead in a couple of years from acid rain or floods or radioactive zombies or whatever (I’ve not read into the science of it all, but I’ve got the gist of it). The tears on the faces of those children were a stark reminder of the fate which lay ahead.
While I was industriously digging away at my lawn this weekend, Emma Thompson was giving up her valuable time being a wealthy movie actress to fly 5,437 miles from Los Angeles to London in order to tell people to stop driving cars. I am already ahead of the game here, as I have always refused to drive my own car. Father’s chauffeur takes me and my chums wherever we wish, which is more environmentally friendly. Or we use my family’s private jet which is much smaller than a commercial flight. There are ways to reduce pollution, people. Make the effort. If multi-millionaire Emma Thompson looking righteously concerned in a pink yacht in Oxford Circus, surrounded by middle-class beatniks doesn’t make you want to reduce your own carbon-footprint, I honestly do not know what will.
I am confident that in the next few weeks, we will hear that Emma has decided to give up her film career, because I’m fairly sure Hollywood has one of the largest carbon-footprints on the planet. Hopefully she will donate the ill-gotten gains from years of being part of this ecologically toxic industry to a climate change charity and go and live out the rest of her days in a shed in a wood with only a bicycle for transport. After all, this is the only way she will balance out the size of her own carbon footprint with that of the average person. As she is so dedicated to the cause, I have every confidence she will do this.