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Hillary beat Trump once, she can do it again

Imagine waking up each day, knowing that a strong empowered woman was in the White House

October 9, 2019

11:31 AM

9 October 2019

11:31 AM

In a devastating put down on Twitter yesterday, Hillary totally slayed like a kween when she responded to a tweet posted by the so-called ‘president’ Donald Trump.


As you can see, Hillary beat Trump at the amount of likes her reply to him received by almost 11k! Admittedly after 23 hours, Trump’s tweet had garnered more retweets, but seeing as Hillary’s was posted a full five hours AFTER his initial post and, he had the advantage of a head start.

My prediction is that by this time tomorrow, Hillary will have bypassed Trump in both likes and retweets, and boy, will he have egg on his face…which for once would account for his orange complexion (because of the yolk, you see).

If the stats on those tweets are not a clear indication of a definite victory awaiting Hillary if she were to stand in opposition of Trump in the 2020 election, I seriously don’t know what is. In an interview on PBS NewsHour, Hillary said, ‘Obviously I can beat him again.’ Because she *did* beat Trump…in our HEARTS. I often gaze at this old tweet of hers and pretend it’s reality, because the truth of what happened is simply too hard to take.

All of this has got me thinking about what an America run by Hillary would have been like.

Imagine waking up each day, knowing that a strong empowered woman was in the White House. Like Boudicca, she would have driven the spiked wheels of her chariot into the oncoming tide of oppression.

Like Ripley, she would have ejected racism from the airlock of prejudice and sent it spinning helplessly into the vacuum of space.

Like Lara Croft, she would have back-flipped (metaphorically, not physically) into the ancient halls of patriarchy, drawn her pistols (metaphorical pistols, not actual pistols) and emptied her remaining bullets (metaphorical bullets, not actual bullets) into the hordes of mansplaining zombie pygmies (metaphorical mansplaining zombie pygmies, not actual mansplaining zombie pygmies) until misogyny was, like the artifacts Lara collects…very much a thing of the past.

And, perhaps most poignantly, like Ghostbusters (2016), she would have smashed the male version of US presidency out of the water with her record box office success, heralding a new dawn of female emancipation not seen since the last all-female reboot of a previously popular thing.

In this beautiful alternate universe where Hillary won the 2016 election, the current year in the US is a glorious thing to behold. Poverty, gone. Sexism, wiped out. Racism, annihilated. Cancer, cured. Adam Sandler movies from 2000 onwards, deleted. Every woman who says she’s been sexually assaulted is automatically believed, and every man accused apart from Bill Clinton is sent to jail without question. Climate change has already been reversed, and the rainforest replanted. Guns have been banned, healthcare is free, and castration is obligatory for any person born with a penis who voted for Trump. Imagine it…

Dear reader, I apologize, for I have allowed your mind to envisage a utopia which does not exist. It was irresponsible of me to implant such a blissful scenario into your dreamspace, when the reality of the world is more akin to the beginning of Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

Unfortunately for us #ImWithHer supporters, in March this year Hillary had said: ‘I’m not running, but I’m going to keep on working and speaking and standing up for what I believe,’ so it would seem that her hint at a possible rematch was most probably meant as a whimsical rebuttal.

Still, I can dream. For now, the mere possibility of a world without Trump shall sustain me until the day our Khaleesi returns.

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