The UK has been plunged into further chaos under the fascist regime of Boris Johnson. He is our Trump. The similarities between these two dictators are staggering. Boris Johnson is a white male who comes from a privileged background, has an unruly mop of blonde hair, and blue eyes. These three aspects alone, like Drumpf, make him an ideal Aryan Poster Boy for the alt-right. Aside from the physical resemblance, Boris often wears suits along with a shirt and tie. He’s been known to stand in front of a podium and make speeches to large crowds. He uses Twitter. He travels in cars and planes. He appears on television and is often featured in the news. Now, tell me these things are ALL pure coincidence, I honestly dare you. I am telling you now that if you attempt to convince me that everything I have listed here is mere happenstance, I will literally call the police and have you arrested for being an idiot.
For the past few weeks Boris Johnson has abused his political powers by attempting to ‘Get Brexit Done’. By this, he means that the UK will leave the EU on October 31 with or without a deal. His methods of securing this outcome have included literally breaking the law and lying to the Queen (I’m hazy on the details of how he actually did those things but my chums have all said he did and I for one am not going to call my friends liars).
The fact he is prepared to go to these lengths in order to enact the will of the people is a terrifying display of dictatorship. If further proof of this is needed, earlier this week during his speech at the Conservative Party Conference, he was flailing his arms around alarmingly in the manner of another famous dictator…
‘Identical actions’, keenly observes Dr Jennifer Cassidy. Moving his arms around and raising his voice during a speech could only ever be a sign of his impending fascistic tendencies.
As if this were not proof enough of Boris Johnson’s despotic nature, another Dr noted something perhaps even more concerning:
The circle is therefore complete. Boris makes enthusiastic speeches, which is an obvious parallel to the speeches Mussolini made. Donald Trump has said that he admires a fellow leader, in the way that Hitler also admired a fellow leader and in doing so, Trump has inadvertently alerted the finest minds on Twitter to the fact that Boris Johnson is the reincarnation of Benito Mussolini. Two academic doctors have made this discovery completely independently of one another. Dr Jennifer Cassidy and Dr Mark D’Arcy are the Holmes and Watson of our era (by this, I don’t mean the movie starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, in which they play two characters posing as academics while saying the most ridiculous and nonsensical things…no, Dr Jennifer Cassidy and Dr Mark D’Arcy are nothing like that version of Holmes and Watson at ALL). Of course, Mark gets bonus points for reiterating the fact that Donald Trump is literally Hitler which we already knew but I personally never get tired of hearing.
So in summary, the only sensible course of action available to us now is to impeach Boris Johnson. Charge him with treason and have him thrown in jail. Then I suggest we round up his supporters including anyone foolish enough to vote for Brexit, and imprison them also. Perhaps brand them each with some kind of symbol first in case any of them were to escape, because we cannot afford to allow fascism to rear its ugly head once more in the Western world.