Last night I posted an incredibly innocuous tweet about Laurence Fox and the outrage it caused was predictably excessive. Now, for those of you not in the know, Laurence Fox is a privileged white British male actor who last week publicly said some of the most toxic and hateful things this country has heard in centuries. On the BBC’s political forum debate show, Question Time, Laurence was asked about his thoughts on the hateful racism Meghan Markle has been regularly subjected to from the British tabloids and his heartless response shocked the nation. I can hardly bear to type this, but he DENIED that any criticisms directed towards her were motivated by racism and called the UK…oh God…this is killing me…he called the UK a ‘lovely and tolerant country’. Jesus. Excuse me. I’ve been sick. Urgh. He then went on to…Lord help me…he…sorry, I’ve been sick again this is so horrible. OK. I can do this…he went on to ROLL HIS EYES at a woman of color who called him out on his white male privilege and…I can’t…how can I…the vomit…it just keeps coming…I think that’s all of it, I’m just bringing up bile now…brace yourself for this next bit…he ACCUSED THE WOMAN OF COLOR OF BEING RACIST TOWARDS HIM.
…sorry. I passed out for a while. What time is it? It’s OK, my MacBook still has enough battery to finish this, I’ve only been unconscious for a couple of hours. Where was I? Oh yes. Laurence Fox. Well as you can imagine the fallout from his terrifying words has been going on for days and rightly so. The Guardian has accused the right of ‘weaponizing’ the word ‘woke’, which is absolutely correct in my view. People who are woke like me have been marginalized purely for the act of being morally superior to everyone else. Like it’s a crime to be more caring and compassionate than the average mortal. We are accused of ‘hypocrisy’ by gammon-faced fascist Hitler drones and Trump-loving scum, because apparently, we are ‘intolerant’! Ha! Honestly that makes me laugh so hard, I almost miss my mark when throwing darts into the face of the Boris Johnson voodoo doll I’ve suspended via a noose over my Mindfulness Hammock.
Along with the articles rightfully calling out Laurence’s VILE comments and opinions, there has been a flurry of tweets from the most tolerant woke celebrities the UK has to offer which has at least taken some of the sting out of his PUTRID discourse. Theater publication The Stage tweeted:
Which was reassuring to see, because nothing denounces Fox’s opinions on not judging people by the color of their skin like calling on minority ethnic people to denounce someone because the color of his skin means he shouldn’t be allowed to have an opinion on something.
To make the situation even worse, while all this righteous condemnation has been going on, do you think Laurence has begged for forgiveness for his terrible speak crime? No. No he hasn’t! It’s almost as if he cares not one bit for what the woke masses think. Utterly despicable. All he had to do was put out a video of him crawling along naked, on his belly through a pile of stinking horse manure, with a crown of thorns upon his head, while people of color throw rocks at him as he screams: ‘I’M SORRY. I’M SORRY FOR WHAT I DID. PLEASE FORGIVE MY WRONG SPEAK. I MADE A TERRIBLE ERROR AND I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON.’ That’s literally ALL he had to do. I mean, we still wouldn’t have forgiven him, and his cursed words would follow him to his grave with him never working again and hopefully dying in abject poverty…but at LEAST it would have been the decent thing to do. No, instead, he has been MOCKING those who criticize him. He has been MAKING JOKES. He hasn’t been taking our fury seriously at all. How DARE he? I am shaking with rage right now as I type this because he is REFUSING show even the tiniest bit of regret. DAMMIT. WHY IS HE NOT RESPECTING MY OPINION OF HIM?
Getting back to my original reason for writing this article, I posted a tweet last night which showed Laurence and his supporters up for the right-wing snowflakes they are. I did not post anything particularly nasty, it was merely a casual tweet, illustrating how I feel about him. This is what I put:
‘Laurence Fox is literally worse than a 50-foot Hitler made out of Donald Trump’s dried semen being dragged along the street by black orphan children with gender dysphoria who are denied hormone blockers and have no access to Hannah Gadsby’s latest Netflix special.’
As you can see, nothing to really write home about. But you would not believe the furore it caused! Laurence himself waded in, quoting my tweet in order to draw his followers’ attention to it. Misgendering me in the process, in the most violent way possible. His followers then piled on me. I tried to fight my corner, but I was bombarded with mild insults, gifs, and memes so offensive that I had to leave my house and get myself to a safe place. I am still here. I called the FBI but so far they have not called me back. In the meantime, I have arranged for my possessions to be moved to my new secret location. I am in fear for my life and for the lives of those that I hold dear, very much like Spider-Man in the early Spider-Man films when Spider-Man was good.
Please send me happy thoughts and pictures of kittens on Twitter. My nerves are shot and I’m not sure how long I can hold onto my sanity. One thing is for sure though, Laurence’s reaction to my tweet proves what a snowflake and a coward he is! At least I have that knowledge to see me through the dark days ahead.