Over the weekend, there was much speculation as to the ‘true identity’ of Titania McGrath. This was a blatant attempt to silence the second most important voice of our generation. The Times of London published two articles with the sole purpose of making its readership believe that Titania is a parody. A satirical Twitter account, created to poke fun at woke politics. What a ridiculous accusation! How many Russian bots did it take to come up with that bizarre conspiracy theory? Also, who is funding The Times in order for them to go along with this charade? George Soros? Alex Jones? Donald Trump? I mean, it’s tinfoil hat stuff the like of which I have not seen since a group of fascists attempted to out me as a parody last year.
Over the past four days, I have been hard at work, investigating this sinister plot to unravel all the hard work my good friend and comrade Titania has done in her battle against fascism. I have slept very little, perhaps a mere seven hours a night. I have not eaten (except for a couple of Graze boxes, some takeout sushi, and several protein bars). I am exhausted, but I feel I have made some important breakthroughs.
I’ve never heard of either of these two shady characters before now, but after some digging, I have discovered some highly unsettling facts. In an interview Lisa Graves did with Andrew Doyle, published in Spiked on Monday, Lisa unwittingly let slip an important clue, the discovery of which left me literally shaking for several hours. In answer to the question ‘Are you Titania?’ she responds sarcastically in the negative, followed by the innocuous sentence: ‘Check out my fingers, they’re not crossed’. Now on the surface, this seems innocent enough, but to an accomplished social justice activist such as myself, it was a terrifying indication of the wheels within wheels at play here. Allow me to explain; if you take every second letter, then third, followed by the fifth letters in the final three words, arrange them into alphabetical order, rearrange them once more into their numerical opposites (according to the Mayan Calendar cycles) subtract by the first two-digit number that pops into your head when you glance sideways at a photograph of David Blaine, and then finally, convert them all back into letters using the Pentonville-Swift method… you get: ‘I AM WORKING FOR THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION’.
Another blindingly obvious clue comes from the Twitter profile page of Andrew Doyle. At first, I could find nothing troubling in his bio, apart from the word ‘comedian’. But then I turned my attention to his AVI. After zooming in 80 percent round the hairline area, it became apparent that Photoshop had been at work. I could tell this because I could clearly see that pixels had been manipulated. The purpose of this? Hmmm. I pondered for a moment. Then it hit me; to remove something. To eradicate an item of headwear. I have taken the time to replicate what I am now 100 percent convinced the original photograph looked like before digital chicanery was employed:
From there, it was simply a matter of joining the rest of the dots to uncover an alternative network of subversive fascist influencers, which includes the likes of Jordan Peterson, Ann Coulter, Katie Hopkins, Ricky Gervais, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, and – most shockingly of all – Paula Abdul.
All these people are hellbent on framing Titania as an alt-right troll. ‘But why?’ you may ask. The answer to this is very simple: they FEAR her. The truth bombs she hurls at them from her Twitter account on a daily basis are killing their authoritarian narrative. Now she has a book out, they are desperate to have her ‘unpersoned’.
Well nice try fascists, but you failed. Titania’s book is out on March 7, prepare to have your world turned upside down.