Let’s get ready to rumble! Two viral sensations are squaring off on the Twitter.
In the blue corner, from Massachusetts Bay, Barstool Sports president and whole pizza-eating aficionado David ‘Davey Pageviews’ Portnoy. And in the red corner, all the way from the Bronx, it’s fiery congresswoman Alexandria ‘The Red Scare’ Ocasio-Cortez.
The spat concerns the hottest new trend in New York media besides developing a substance abuse problem and getting fired: unionizing. Nothing offers comfort to an overcaffeinated 23-year-old fresh out of a liberal arts college quite like a big ‘union’ laptop sticker on a battered MacBook Air. Springsteen would be proud.
The latest cluster of journavists to attempt this strategy hail from sports site The Ringer, a Barstool competitor. Being the shy and retiring type, Portnoy elected to post a blog entitled ‘The Ringer Forms a Union….I Still Dare Barstool To Form A Union‘.
In his post, Portnoy writes:
‘…for the most part Unions are a fucking joke. Just crybaby millennials who think the world should be handed to them on a silver platter. That if you cry loud enough the world will hand you a cookie. Listen if you don’t like your job or don’t think you get paid enough than quit and go find a new one. If you are as good as you think you then your current employer will give you a raise to keep you or you’ll find a new job that gives you what you want. It’s simple Capitalism. Supply and demand.’
He then recycled part of a 2015 post from when the former website Gawker , with whom Barstool had a longstanding feud, unionized:
‘BAHAHA! I hope and I pray that Barstool employees try to unionize. I can’t tell you how much I want them to unionize. Just so I can smash their little union to smithereens. Nothing would please me more than to break it into a million little pieces. Oh you think you deserve health insurance? You don’t think you should have to work with squirrels in the office? You don’t think I should duct tape Hank to the walls? Well now yis can’t leave! No more free water! No more vacation days! I’m gonna dump rats into the walls! You haven’t seen anything yet! Unionize Nate! Unionize Trent! I dare you! Trent you’ll be back working security at Walmart in a blink of an eye! KFC will be doing my accounting! No more fancy pants weddings! Hank will be an exhibit at the Museum of Science! UNIONIZE I DARE YOU!’