Where, oh where, are the valiant crusaders standing up for the anti-vaxxers? Am I the only one who sees their persecution as a danger to the health of a free society?

Ostracized for their refusal to follow basic common sense, it’s shocking that these model examples of parenting would be shunned simply for bringing disease into the herd. You can’t expect these poor, frightened individuals fighting for the rights of their children to die of an ancient disease — to stand a chance against billions of people who have been brainwashed by thousands of years of evolutionary psychology, can you? Disease avoidant behaviors like revulsion are clearly yet another example of government Mind Control. At least that’s what I read in a r/deadkidsdontgetautism thread.

These heroic culture warriors deserve our compassion and we should be welcoming them and their contaminated kids with the same open arms indigenous populations welcomed blankets from the settlers.

I’m here to be an ally for those without a voice. No, I don’t mean the children of the vaccine-hesitant whose lives are literally being put at risk — I’m talking about the vaccinated parents of those children, the ones who are valiantly battling Big Pharma armed with nothing but their functioning immune system, knowledge that vaccines were invented by the Illumunati to sterilize the poor and depopulate the earth, memes that prove everyone from the doctors to the CDC is on the take and literally no evidence to back them up in their fight against the scientifically disproven idea that vaccines cause autism.  What chance do they stand?

This isn’t a group of misguided folks blatantly ignoring the well being of individuals with compromised immune systems, pregnant women and the entire developing world out of mind-boggling arrogance, sheer ignorance and first world privilege. No. This is a modern tale of David and Goliath.

I will be honest; I was pro-vaccine too until my friend from goat yoga, Sage, told me how the doctors wanted to strap her first son down on a metal table and inject him with heavy metals and autism.

‘Over his dead body,’ she said to her pediatrician before she stormed out of the office. And Sage knows a thing or two about toxins what with all the botulism in her face. She explained to me over our organic, vegan meal that injecting mercury and aluminum into a child should be considered child abuse.

‘Don’t tell me not to shake my baby if I think it’s good for them,’ Sage said. I asked her how her son was doing now and she said, ‘He’s dead.’

She explained how, after her home birth while she was eating her placenta, her doula suggested that instead of using cancerous sunscreen, Sage should take her child into the desert and leave him under the hot sun to inoculate him from sunburns. Sadly she was powerless to stop a fatal asthma attack as she had left her essential oils and crystal pack at home. The windmills they were passing at the time certainly gave her pause as to what triggered the incident, ‘I heard they cause cancer.’

Her second son, Incubator, cried out from his carrier when our kombucha arrived; Incubator was covered head to toe in a rash. ‘I think he got it at the measles party we took him to,’ Sage said. ‘Fingers crossed! Modern medicine is killing us. We need to get back to our roots and embrace nature’s perfection.’ I smiled and Sage noticed my smile lines and muttered under her breath. ‘You know, my girl can take care of those crow’s feet and if you tell her I sent you, she’ll give you a discount.’ Incubator cried out again in distress.

‘Oh good,’ Sage said, ‘He’s burning up. Don’t let his 105 degree temperature fool you, this is just the body doing its job.’

And trust me, scared parents like Sage have done their research. They’ve spent hours combing the internet looking for information that confirmed their exact beliefs. You can’t possibly compare the knowledge of thousands of medical professionals and the data from hundreds of studies to the time a vaccine-risk-aware parent spends online: think of the dozens of hours spent doing analysis on YouTube, reading third hand accounts from a friend’s Facebook friend who had a child who was ‘vaccine injured’ and listening to testimonials from Jenny McCarthy and Alex Jones and Kat Von D. Everyone knows word-of-mouth information, celebrities and shunned doctors trying to sell books are more accurate and more trustworthy than reputable ‘experts’.  As a sound healer/producer/influencer/activist/fire-dancer/DJ/waitress, I understand how easy it is to miss the big picture when you’ve devoted your life to specializing in one area like Immunology.

But it’s a slippery slope when we expect the government to step in and try to put a stop to an avoidable public health crisis by mandating parents inject their children with literal poison. It’s a dark day for free speech when tech companies take reasonable measures to stop the spread of misinformation. What is this, Canada?

There are many forms of oppression: slavery, dictatorships, the feudal system, White Supremacy aka democracy, capitalism, emojis, and of course, health. If you can’t choose to be unhealthy, what kind of choice do you even have? This is America, where the freedom of choice trumps the freedom to not contract communicable diseases. (You can stay at home ya know!) Vaccines are violence. Keep government weasels out of our measles™.