Spectator USA

Skip to Content

Humor Life

A milkshake a day keeps the fascists at bay

Creamy droplets of sugar-infused milk rained upon Nigel Farage’s suit. A victory for peace-loving anti-fascists everywhere!

Yesterday a hero appeared in our midst. A valiant warrior armed only with a cold milk beverage. Not since the Normandy Landings have I seen such bravery against an impending Nazi invasion.

Over here in the UK we have our own version of Donald Trump. His name is Nigel Farage. Like Trump he is a hideous Nazi, Hitler incarnate. A walking harbinger of xenophobic hatred, spewing fascism and racism. He is the cause of Britain’s pain and division. He was the one who decided that we should hold a referendum on whether to leave the glorious EU. It’s the mark of a typical fascist authoritarian to inflict democracy upon the ignorant masses. The result of that hateful vote has split our once tolerant and peaceful country in two.

The fascists who voted in favor of Brexit have refused point blank to allow us another go at democracy so that we may vote correctly a second time round. Theresa May tried to compromise by only pretending to leave the EU, which in my opinion was the perfect solution. However, the unreasonable fascist ‘majority’ appear to have seen through this and so Nigel Farage has now created the Brexit party, a political party formed in order to ensure Brexit happens for real. They’ve been doing well in the polls and a hushed sense of impending doom has slowly been settling on the good people who voted Remain.

However yesterday Farage was all but defeated by Paul Crowther. A modern-day Braveheart if you will. Willing to sacrifice all in order to save our beautiful relationship with the EU. As Nigel Farage was walking down the street, promoting his demented brand of fascistic democracy, Paul stepped forth and hurled a plastic cup filled with banana and salted caramel milkshake into Hitler v.1.2’s face. Creamy droplets of sugar-infused milk rained down Nigel’s suit. What did Farage do? He ran away. A victory for peace-loving anti-fascists everywhere!

This method of protest is fast becoming popular over here. The Farage milking was the third or fourth of its kind in the past two weeks. Even the Burger King Twitter account got in on the action. In a clever marketing move, they sent out a cheeky tweet endorsing their milkshakes with a #justsaying hashtag. The #SplashTheFash hashtag was trending for 24 hours in the UK with thousands of accounts declaring how amusing it is to see the political landscape turning into a toddler’s food fight. Many political commentators and celebrities joined in the fun of humiliating people whose idea of ‘democracy’ is to actually go through with the results of a referendum.

It will come as no surprise that the anti-woke are claiming that this kind of political demonstration is wrong. Even going so far as to accuse those of us cheering the silencing of our political opponents via the use of peaceful non-violent physical assault as ‘fascists’! Can you imagine that? They claim that if we continue to throw things at politicians we disagree with instead of engaging them in intelligent debate, the situation will escalate and become more violent. Well in my opinion, if any of these fascists fight back, that will only serve to prove how aggressive they already are. I mean, yes… there were a few people encouraging the addition of bricks and even acid into the protests, but I honestly can’t see this happening. After all, it’s not like a political figure has ever been genuinely harmed by a member of the public. It’s all just fun and games! Lighten up and enjoy it.

Sign up to receive a daily summary of the best of Spectator USA

Show comments