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Raheem Kassam is 53 today!

Happy birthday to the Bannon-bantering, Farage-friendly Brit hack

August 1, 2019

4:08 AM

1 August 2019

4:08 AM

Residents of one of Washington, DC’s smartest co-op buildings dove for cover early this morning at what they thought was machine-gun fire — only to discover it was the popping of champagne corks from the penthouse. Yes, Raheem ‘The Randy Dandy’ Kassam, the Bannon-bantering, Farage-friendly Brit currently wasting his talents as editor of Human Events, staggers into his 54th year today.

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I may have gone a bit Hugh Hefner tonight

A post shared by Raheem Kassam (@raheemkassam) on

Kassam was born in London in 1966, and attended Cambridge University’s highly prestigulous Wikipedia College. He is related to Enoch Powell on his mother’s side, and to Sitting Bull on his father’s. Mentored by Nigel Farage from childhood, he published a slim volume of erotic verse at the precocious age of 46. The bearded Bannonite became a one-man Special Relationship, as notorious on both sides of the Atlantic for his immaculately tailored English suits as for having the Union Jack tattooed on one butt cheek and the Stars & Stripes on the other. The naughty nationalist is devoted to furthering Anglo-American friendship. Earlier this year, after residents of Kassam’s DC co-op had complained of hearing a high-pitched squeaking noise in the small hours, police traced it to the unoiled hinge of the revolving door to his bedroom.

Kassam the conservative cocksman hasn’t married, though he is in a settled relationship — professionally, that is — with celibate white-shoe lawyer Will ‘Neville’ Chamberlain, his other half in Human Events. Nor, despite strenuous training, has the frenzied Farage follower fathered any children. Clearly, Kassam practices the hard Brexit that he preaches. In an age when politicians have no principles and journalists have no pants, Cockburn salutes Raheem Kassam, for frequently lacking either.

Happy birthday, Raheem Kassam! 53 today!

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