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Cockburn Donald Trump US Politics

The ‘facts’, according to Stormy Daniels

Do the American people believe the porn star or the President?

May 5, 2018

6:49 PM

5 May 2018

6:49 PM

Twitter is the warped mirror to Donald Trump’s tabloid presidency – and where better to gauge the state of the nation than Stormy Daniels’s Twitter feed? Stormy is the porn actress paid $130,000 hush money by Trump’s lawyer, Michael Cohen, not to make public her claims of an affair with The Donald a decade ago.

‘You are a proven liar,’ one of Trump’s supporters tweeted to her. ‘We know you fucked Cohen not Trump.’ She replied: ‘I don’t need to fuck Cohen. He’s fucking the shit out of himself.’ That is a reference to last month’s FBI raid on Cohen’s offices, the agents apparently looking for evidence that the $130,000 – paid two days before the election – constituted an illegal campaign contribution. ‘Now who is the dumb whore?’ Stormy tweeted, commenting on claims that Cohen could now be disbarred. Jane Austen it isn’t.

The latest Stormy controversy was sparked by the sitcom actress Roseanne Barr, one of the few Trump supporters in Hollywood, whose recently revived show Roseanne celebrates blue collar America. Stormy, Roseanne tweeted dismissively, ‘she’s known for anal porn scenes’. Stormy replied: ‘I don’t even do anal movies, you ignorant twat. That’s like saying you are known for your beautiful rendition of The Star Spangled Banner.’

Later Stormy issued a clarification: ‘I have done over 200 movies over last 15 years. Only 1 scene with my husband was anal so get the facts straight.’ Such a fastidious approach to the facts augurs well for Stormy in her upcoming legal and PR battles. The American people may look at the anal sex controversy and draw their own conclusions about her credibility.

The Twitter thread containing the anal sex debate — it goes on for a while —  juxtaposes the words of three presidents. FDR: ‘We have nothing to fear but fear itself.’ Kennedy: ‘Ask not….’ And Trump: ‘Do I look like a guy that needs hookers?’

Stormy claims both that she had an affair with Trump and that he offered to pay for sex the first time they slept together. She says this happened in one of the bungalows at the Beverley Hills Hotel, where, she claims, Trump got her to spank him with a rolled up copy of Forbes magazine. It was Trump’s beaming face on the cover, of course.

For those who believe Stormy’s version of events, not Trump’s, you can now buy a range of #TeamStormy merchandise from her website. One item for sale is a t-shirt showing the naked porn actress bending over, with the message: ‘Don’t make me spank you.’

Unfairly or not, Trump’s nickname among some in Washington DC is now ‘Spanky’. One cable news commentator claimed that the president’s difficulty in attracting top flight legal talent was because no one wanted to go down in history as representing a client called ‘Spanky’.

To Trump, it’s all fake news. Stormy’s witty reply is another t-shirt for sale on her website, this one saying: ‘Fake Boobs are better than Fake News.’ Once again (seemingly) careful with the facts, Stormy tweeted: ‘Of course, my tits are fake (I’ve never claimed otherwise). Riding into my 60 Minutes interview on a fucking unicorn would be more believable than my boobs being all natural.’

So the President now finds himself in a contest with a porn star over who is the liar. Who’s to say which one the American people will believe?

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