Cockburn has always had a penchant for cults — be they doomsday, sex, UFO or Blue Oyster. Like Mama Cockburn used to say, ‘Don’t knock it ’til you try it.’
He draws the line at death cults, however. And as for the Kool-Aid Rudy Giuliani was sipping in Gettysburg…is it supposed to fizz like that?
The Trump administration worked hard to earn its reputation as the country’s least exclusive elephant graveyard. It’s here that Republicans come to die — career-wise, of course. Anthony Scaramucci was dispatched after just 10 days, only to return from the dead to haunt the President like a Japanese water-demon. But others linger at death’s door for years.
There’s Rudy, for one.
Poor Rudy. Cockburn is old enough to remember his disastrous 2008 bid for the White House. His support for late-term abortion cost him the support of conservative voters in the GOP primary (oops!). He came dead last, with zero delegates. Alan Keyes at least got two.
America’s Mayor has since reinvented himself as America’s Insane Uncle. It was hard seeing him at the RNC headquarters last month, the sweat and mascara pouring down his face. You could just see him at Thanksgiving dinner, bits of turkey flying from his mouth as he waxed lyrical about the Kennedy assassination. His theatrics were waylaid for a few days after a vigorous bout of coronavirus — though he is now recovering thanks to Remdesivir and destined to head once more unto the breach in the coming days.
Why do it, Rudy? Is it all for that sweet, sweet pardon the President promised if you’d humiliate yourself on national television twice a day?
This has been the Trump death cult’s strategy all along. They suicide-bomb every single one of their enemies, real or imagined. It doesn’t matter how much credibility they lose, or how many staffers resign, or how many voters they hemorrhage. Anything to own the libs.
Yet, somehow, that strategy has backfired. Enter Sidney Powell and Lin Wood, the only two people in the country who really think that Trump won the election.
Powell is the author of a modern masterpiece on conspiracy theory, which ought to be taught to every freshman at the Alex Jones School of Journalism at Liberty University. She blames the disappointing election result on a truly awesome cabal compromised of Hillary Clinton, George Soros, Xi Jinping, Raúl Castro and the Force-ghost of Hugo Chávez. It’s so delightfully insane that even Uncle Rudy felt the need to distance himself from Auntie Sid.
So did Brian Kemp, the Republican governor of Georgia. Kemp has refused to overturn the election result in his state, even though the Trump team has provided almost some evidence of voter fraud.
Most Trump supporters have taken the high ground, content simply to call the Georgia secretary of state’s wife and threaten to rape her. But not Lin Wood. Lin, a lifelong Democrat, has taken up Auntie Sid’s theory with a vengeance. He and Powell are calling on conservatives Republicans to boycott the Georgia Senate election in January. They urge conservatives not to vote until our elections are once again ‘secure’.
Newt Gingrich, ever the white knight, has stepped up to defend Gov. Kemp. Powell and Wood are ‘totally destructive,’ said the former House speaker, warning that ‘their don’t-vote strategy will cripple America’.
Of course, this is the same Newt who, just days ago, blasted the ‘propaganda media’ for dismissing claims of voter fraud. ‘I’m frankly puzzled by how you can have this many different allegations and not realize there is something profoundly wrong,’ he told Sean Hannity, whom Trump calls on the phone every night after tucking Melania into bed.
Is Mr Wood a patsy for the DNC? Is Auntie Sid working for the Moon Nazis? Cockburn doesn’t have any evidence per se, but feels confident in concluding that, yes, they are. Beyond any shadow of a doubt. And, if you disagree, he can only conclude that you’re working for the Communist party of China, Cuba, and/or Venezuela
Either that, or these two great legal minds have become enthralled by the death cult. President Trump is burning the White House to the ground for the insurance money; Powell and Wood are throwing themselves on the pyre like some pious Hindu widows. Now the President is wondering if maybe — just maybe — things have gone a bit too far.
This has always been the greatest threat to the Trump administration: that his supporters will actually believe what he says. That they would take him ‘literally, not seriously’. Now, Trumpists are going to throw the Georgia Senate election to the libs, just to…er, own the libs?
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Cockburn has always given Trump the benefit of the doubt. He’s frolicked at his rallies and supped cocktails at his hotels. He shipped Don Jr and Kim Guilfoyle hard. And he means hard.
Now, he can’t help but wonder: is it possible the NeverTrumpers were right all along? Is it possible that, when all’s said and done, the President’s narcissistic antics would only help the Democrats in the long run? Is it possible that he would destroy the Republican party from within? Ah, well —
Cockburn will kiss thy lips, Uncle Rudy.
Haply some Kool-Aid yet doth hang on them,
To make me die with a restorative.
Thy lips are a little clammy.
