The students of Covington High School, Ky., were the subject of a recent viral video which shocked me to my very core. Everything about this encounter triggered me. Their obvious disrespect of a proud Native American as he bravely made his way towards this group of vile, contemptuous MAGA hat-wearing teenage boys, banging his Ceremonial Drum of Peace and chanting a mystical tribal incantation (presumably in order to ward off the sickening Aura of Trumpism) disturbed me so greatly that I actually did a small vomiting.

The final straw came when the courageous Native American Vietnam veteran came to a stop and peacefully hammered on his drum directly into a young boy’s disgustingly smug face. What did this hateful Apostle of Trump do? Did he bow before his elder and better, showing appreciation for the Native American Shaman Chief Vietnam veteran and his struggles? No. He did not. I’m literally shaking as I type this, because the full horror of what happened next is in danger of consuming my very soul. I shall need to take a Starbucks break before I continue with the next part of this hideous episode.

(OK. I’m back now, my soy macchiato has helped to quell my anger somewhat.)

So here goes: The boy…smirked.

Yes. You read that correctly. I did not make a mistake here. He literally SMIRKED at that epically gallant Native American Shaman Chief Vietnam veteran Elder as he placidly pummeled on that drum for all he was worth. “Is the boy in jail now?” I hear you cry. NO is the answer to that. He is not. And to be frank, as many good people on Twitter have stated before me, jail is too good for him and his army of MAGA-worshipping cohorts.


I salute these virtuous souls for showing us that only tolerance and love is the way forward. We can only quell the Hatred and Intolerance of teenage Trump supporters by punching them violently in their grinning faces. How can we hope to #Resist the tide of dangerous #MAGA pomposity which is seeping into America’s youth if we are not prepared to smash our fists into some adolescent’s irritatingly-amused visage?


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It was discovered after a day or so of the video emerging that Nathan Phillips, the fearless Native American Vietnam veteran isn’t in fact a Vietnam veteran as such, but the disclosure of this information itself is disrespectful. In my eyes, he IS a veteran. He is a Warrior Chieftain of the Great Plains. He has braved much in his life the rest of us could ne’er comprehend. I’ve seen Dances with Wolves and Wild Wild West, so I know the struggles this man has undergone. He didn’t deserve that smirk. Nobody deserves to be smirked at. It’s a violation of our human rights. It is a FACECRIME (copyright, George Orwell).

I will move heaven and Earth until I dig up enough dirt on these foul teenagers to destroy them all. Name them, shame them. Make sure they never hold down a job. Ensure that every time they walk into a public place, they are in fear of their lives. It’s the only way to teach them love and tolerance. Let’s literally punch away their problematic adoration of Trump until nothing remains but a hollow shell of the boys they once were. Smash those toxic smirks from their faces with our Clenched Fists of Righteous Harmony.

After all, a smirk from an arrogant young college student is not a thing to be taken lightly. A smirk could very quickly evolve into a smug chuckle, which could then transform into a mocking remark and then where will we be?

Nazi Germany, that’s where.